- Mar 31
When we lose someone close to us, it can be hard to move forward. Our “normal” no longer exists. The calendar days may pass by, but the emotional pain can remain. There is no right way or length of time to grieve but there can be emotionally healthier choices to be made.
Some will show no signs of grief possibly from denial or avoidance while others can be frozen in grief. Some hold on to grief and the pain they are experiencing because it makes them feel as though, somehow, they are staying close to their lost loved one.
Grieving is not a linear process and can be just as much physical as it is emotional. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to mourn your loss.
The mourning process is a time to feel and process our loss but to also adjust to our new “normal” which moves forward without the physical presence of our lost loved one. The five steps of grief are denial (hope), anger (pointing blame), bargaining (you can’t change places), depression (processing the loss) and acceptance (moving forward in a new way). The lines between these stages are not defined and can be blurred regularly.
Some individuals can become stuck in any stage of grief. It is hard to be rational when we are engulfed in grief. We can find ourselves asking questions such as, “Was it something I did?”, “What could I have done to change things?”, “Someone is to blame?”, “Why am I being punished?”, “Why wasn’t it me?” and the list goes on.
Some may push their pain on to others as they do not want to suffer alone, consciously or unconsciously. They take their anger out on the ones they love the most or put up walls to keep others away.
It’s hard to realize, in our depression, that those around us are also affected. We can be very hard on the ones we love the most. They too are grieving their own loss too. Their loss may be connected to your loved one directly or it may be their having to watch you suffering and your loss of participation in their lives.
Most times, there are no specific reasons for what happens in life. We can be sideswiped by events. These experiences can seem very unfair. On the other hand, we may be expecting the loss, knowing that it is coming but when it actually happens, you are not prepared though you thought you would be.
Accept that we cannot change the past, but we can certainly learn from the experiences.
No matter what the circumstances around the event, we must make our way through the grieving process. Take the time you need to experience and process but do not live in the past. Live in the moment.
It is sad to let go and move forward without those you have created this life with. Do not hold on to grief. How wonderful that you have had the opportunity to enjoy and experience life with them, no matter what that length of time may have been. Celebrate what they shared with you. Thank them for the journey you shared but continue with yours moving forward, living in their honour. Would they not want this?
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